Ah, surf and turf – the epitome of fancy feasts the world ‘round. The dish combines both surf, and turf, as the name suggests, and is still popular, despite peaking in the 1960’s and ‘70’s as a Mad Men-esque meal that – to this day – puts a tuna casserole to shame.

Tip: if you want to impress your friends, call it “reef and beef” – it’s much more hip and happenin’. That said, for the love of all things good in the world, do NOT Google “surf and turf.”

While the really good restaurants (and people who live in houses with marble and white columns and water that comes from a machine on the fridge and have a butler named “Jeeves”) tend to use filet mignon and lobster, really, any tasty red meat and crustacean will pair well.

We like to use AAA beef sirloin medallions and crab legs, because they’re both damn good, and widely available. Plus, there are certain perks to using crab legs…

… since surf and turf is typically a romantic meal, if you’re looking to propose to a special someone, try putting the engagement ring on one of the legs. It’s unique and spiky, and a little fishy – just like your love.

If the proposal doesn’t work out (or if you’re dining with an enemy), you can use the legs as weapons. They are like tiny little swords, and they’re good and pokey. They’re also ideal for cleaning your teeth after dinner. Nature’s toothpick.