Question:

Dear Doctor M,

I'm thinking about having a natural gas line installed in my backyard so I don't have to worry about constantly refilling propane bottles. Is that a good idea?

Signed, Mr. F. Latoolent

Answer:

Dear F,

I once saw a show on TV where a Vietnamese villager collected "methane" from her pigs using a 15' long, 10' round, airtight, plastic bladder above the pigpen next to her house. A lot of gas was naturally collected in this thing as the pigs did what pigs do.

When she wanted to cook something, she'd cinch these huge straps on the bladder which forced the accumulated gas down into a narrow hose which connected to a single burner on the countertop of her modest kitchen. She'd twist the "on" valve, put a match to it and "voila" she was cooking with gas!

Here in Canada, for various reasons, we don't cook with gas we collect from pigs, we use natural gas. It's clean, it's relatively cheap and, according to my friend Tim who is an acclaimed industry insider "... will never run out." So, embrace it - It's better than pig farts.

Our certified gasfitters can install or alter gaslines in your home so that you have your barbecue (or interior appliances) hooked up to natural gas. That way, you won't have to worry about your propane running empty during a cookout again. Remember, natural gas is cleaner and cheaper than propane. And it's a damn sight more convenient than having a pig barn next to the house. 

Keep Grilling,

Doctor McGrillemup