If you Google “apple” the first thing that comes up is the company, famous for its iPhone, Mac, and other gadgets that are created for their planned obsolescence. The apple that we’re thinking of, however, is a little more delicious, a little less irritating, and a hell of a lot more grillable (is “grillable” a word? Hard to say. Ask Siri.).
Yes, this month we’re going to focus on the crispy, delicious tree-fruit, because while autumn is, indeed, approaching, we’re not quite ready for all of the pumpkin-spice items that are on the horizon.
Here are 10 apple-related facts that will help you “branch out” with apples this fall (see what we did there?):
There is a small amount of a compound of cyanide in apple seeds, so if you’re genuinely concerned about an assassination attempt via cyanide (a la Rasputin), you should probably eat a couple seeds a day to build up an immunity.
Apples contain a ton of fibre, which help prevent symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. Therefore, they help perk up your bowels, making them less irritable, more social, relaxed, and generally more fun to be around.
Apples do not have fat, sodium, or cholesterol. God, they sound boring.
Apples are a member of the rose family. So next time you want to get your sweetheart a bouquet of roses, just get a dozen apples instead. It’s more cost-effective, plus since apples are so healthy, you’re basically adding years to their life, and that is the greatest gift of all.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. This fact is causing the end of marriages everywhere.
There are over 7,500 varieties of apples worldwide. If you tried a different kind every day, it’d still take you over 20 years to try all of them. That sounds like a lot of work, and we’re not interested.
Pomology is the study of apple-growing. Pom-pomology is the study of apple-cheering (this happens when apples are growing, because it takes the energy from 50 leaves to grow one apple. It works like this, “Give me an A! Give be a P! Give me another P! Give me an L! Give me an E!” and then an apple is born).
The phrase, “American as apple pie” was created to make people laugh, as apple pie was actually brought to the US by Europeans in the 17th and 18th In fact, it is meant to be said sarcastically, with big, surprised eyes and a wink at the end, kind of like, “Right, when pigs fly!”
The term “bad apple” comes from the proverb, “one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch” – and is not actually referring to apples, it is referring to people, leaving us to assume that apples are people, too. Mind = blown.
The fear of apples is called malusdomesticaphobia, and we just got it because holy shit this fruit is terrifying.
